Learning From My PastAs the days pass slowly
And the weeks creep by
I find myself obsessing
About ways that i could die
I lay awake at night
Thinking of my pain
There's no way it can get better
i have nothing left to gain
Suddenly thought of deaths
Are controlling my every move
And every battle with my mind
I always seem to lose
I no longer want to be around
The people that I love
All that i can think about
Is what's waiting up above
I cut my arms with razor blades
To dull the pain inside
But that can only last so long
I don't want to be alive
I manage to keep my composure
When people are around
They wouldn't understand me
So i don't make a sound
I smile when i have to
I break down when i don't
i know i should be strong
Buti also know i won't
So i make a plan to take some pills
It shouldn't take too long
I write out notes to all my friends
To read when i am gone
I ask my mum to understand
That life is just too hard
My mind can't fight it anymore
My heart is far too scarred
I plan it out so perfectly
I even set the date
I'm pretty sure i'm ready
I know this is my fate
My bed is made up neatly
Asi take them one by one
I start to feel a little scared
i know i'm almost done
All that i can think about
Is how i'm letting go,
And how much i love my family
I really hope they know
My eyes are getting heavier
My body feels so weak
Everyting inside is numb
That's the way it has to be
I'm glad that mum's not here right now
To watch me slowly die
But still i wish that i could say
"I love you and good-Bye"
I give in to the darkness
I slowly slip away
I hope i go to heaven
Where dark night turns to day
I wake up in confusion
I don't know where am i
Is this Heaven, or is it Hell
The land of the eternally damned?
There are people all around
Although i can barely see
I can hear the soothing voices
Of people dear to me
MY family and friends are here
Comforting one another
I can hardly make out any words
Until i hear my mother
Each tear she cries feels like a knife
Stabbing at my soul
I let my pain and suffering
Blind me from any goal
At one point i was determined
To make it through this test
To lead a life of fulfillment
And to do my very best
But i somehow lost all sight of that
I hope she can forgive me
I promise not to waste
My second chance to live
I sit up in my hospital bed
Tears streaming down my cheeks
My mother rushes over crying
Like she hasn't seen me in a weeks
I tell her that i'm sorry
For causing her so much strife
I tell her that i will succeed
In leading a better life
Together we figured out a way
For me to get some help
I know now that i can go to her
Instead of doing it by myself
I know taht it's not over yet
It's a long road up ahead
But i appreciate the little things
Because i could be dead
I've learned to live each passing day
As if it were my last
I look forward to the future
And i'm learning from my past
Nur Emilyna Emelda
Countdown:
1 more day to my dearly friend,Rezal to come back !